I also took a moment to ponder how we are doing in this Great After as life continues each new day. At one point, life seemed to stretch on impossibly far, and I felt so weary. Now I wake up everyday and am given strength for that new set of issues.
On one hand, I am so very grateful for God's new mercies every morning. I remember what it was like to feel weighted down with grief, stuck in the heavy sadness that was hard work. Contrasted with the deep days of walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death(as I call it), every new morning feels victorious.
I feel new joy and freedom that I had never before felt. When it's time to laugh or enjoy a moment walking with my dear husband, I think I choose to value joy for itself. "Let's not worry about anything else right now. Right now I just want to enjoy laughing with my family."
On the other hand, I continue to live separate from my dear child. I won't be reunited with her until I die or when Jesus returns. Missing her is part of my life now.
I recently sprained my ankle. I now remember that I can't do everything I used to: I think again before bounding up steps or when I am playing soccer with the boys. Although my ankle will probably grow stronger over time, I need to purposefully slow down and care for the part of me that has been compromised.
I am forever changed. I am realizing that this vulnerability of missing Mia means that I need to nurture my relationship with my Savior more than ever. Instead of turning to previous sources of finding meaning or distraction, God is the One for whom I really long(even though I still forget often). And I am so thankful that He is faithful, tenderly counseling me and providing what I need.
You are my Great Reward through the disappointments of life. I am beginning to realize more and more that enjoying Your grace and truth is enough. Forgive my tendency to look to other things to satisfy my longing for You. Forgive me for my tendency towards selfishness, self-pity, and self-reliance. Thank You for Your faithfulness to me- You have promised Your children sure hope and comfort in Your Word. Please bind my heart to Yours. Direct my thoughts to You daily as my only source of fulfillment. Please comfort this hurting world with the hope of salvation through Your Son's death on the cross. You alone will satisfy. More love to You, Sweet Savior.